Sometimes i wish i could really try harder.
But i think again and i see you much happier than before..
so really, what's the point of trying so hard?
I wish you wouldn't try either.
Not that you are trying or anything, maybe i'm just some kinda substitute for when you are bored, i don't know.
In any case, i wish you would let us go.
I let many things go to waste a few years ago.
It's just not right for me to just barge in again and claim it all back.
So yeah.
As much as i regret it on my part, i wish you'd helped me too last time.
Now however, just please do whatever that would relieve us of all these unfamiliarity and awkward-ness.
I don't even mind pretending not to know you at all, really.
Sad to say, i think i'm the kind of person who's non-committed to friendships and relationships.
Was once, and i think maybe a bad experience has kind of left me feeling detached to ppl, so when my friends and i set out for different paths, i don't keep contact.
It's not that i don't want to.
It's just somehow not me.
So yeah, maybe i make a bad friend =I think i'm the kind whos probably a fair-weathered kind of friend, the kind you cross paths with but don't remember.
And its terrible of me to expect so much from others when i can't offer much in return.
The only thing i'm ever willing to sacrifice anything for, is my family.
The only thing i'm willing and already am committed to.
Maybe it's cos they are the only things i'm certain, will stay with me, support me blah blah and everything.
Or maybe its cos after my own horrible encounter with friendships, or my sis's unlucky encounter, or yt's own share of umm...unfortunate incidents which left me feeling bitter towards friendships heh.
I tend to think that they are all pretty superficial and shallow things, so i don't put much heart into them.
My bad for the pessimistic thoughts, but cant help it.
I supposed there are friends i would be willing to sacrifice things for, but they are soooooo rare and so few.
Ahha not that they are supposed to consider themselves lucky or anything.
I think i'm this selfish. Ha.
____________
Argh. Feeling abit of emo shit now.
Today was nothing.
Chem and phy lectures, with a hell lot of breaks inbtwn.
CCA exhibitions.
I'm going for canoeing tryouts, for Afiquh's sake haha.
Otherwise, i think im confiremd joining ODAC.
Council was pretty tempting, but the amt of ppl joining made me feel bad.
What if i got in and im not as committed to it as others, and furthermore i would be depriving somebody of their place.
Anyway, aftersch was pretty hilarious coz marc and mel came my house and there was smth funny going on in the bus hehehe.
Came my house to slack and after that we went to miss u cafe to eat chickenwings(damnnnnnn fattening lol)
Yup.
Slack day for the next few days.
Next wk onwards, hell!
And in less than 1 mth,
ohmygod. i dont even wanna think about it man.
Yes.
Soooo, dinner this sat with family, whee :D
Some recreational thing we've been attending for several yrs now.
At least, smth to look forward to.
Bye for now (:
